this and that

you need this, and it will be good if you have that.

this that this that this that. when can i give all of these to you?

i am confused

now now, i will be lying if i said if it doesn't hit me.

everyone is getting married and jumping onto the bandwagon.  I will be completely lying if i said i don't even bother.

every now and there are marriage photos popping up my facebook wall. how can i not gan cheong? what if i become lou ku poh and die alone how?

how you tell me? this is mind boggling.

i hereby announce that i am officially CUCKOO

The joy of meeting pays the pangs of absence;

else who could bear it?!!!?

ELSE WHO COULD BEAR IT?!!!!??

ELSE WHO COULD BEAR IT?!!!!!???!??!!?

it takes so long for me to understand

yeap, for once i've actually acknowledged that i am emo.

it takes so long for me to understand that as much as i never give up on people, they gave me up easily. it feels fucking awful to know people i love or care about do not share the same beliefs like i do. 

yes, i can be god damn stubborn and optimistic at times, but i always know that if we hope enough and never give up, we'll find a way out. the journey can be rough and tough, but as long as there's a tiny glimmer of hope, why let go of someone you always love, believe and trust.

or may be am wrong or i've always trusted the wrong person. that is why they always gave me up easily.

times like this i hate myself because i never wanted to admit i made the wrong choice in believing someone.

cat versus mouse!

schop schop schop chop chop...
rata ta ta ta ta ta ta...
rocket.. explode!


this is like how i used to play with myself when i was very young, with all the sound effects and explosion. it was barbie versus heman back then.

when nothing is actually great

you chee cheong fan!

stay FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR away from me! don't do things like you want to meet my parents on the first date.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, you look like a fucking chee cheong fan!

oh you stupid nose!

i got to do something to fix my nose. it keeps giving me mucus, headaches, flu, fever, sore throat, nose shit wtf, and i can't barely breathe! alright, i am blaming my nose for everything else.

i really need to do something to fix my nose. i don't want to talk to some company's CEO with tons of and tons of disgusting fluid flowing down from my nose.

xxxxxxxxx

updates

the oh-never-ever-exactly-when-it-is-going-to-end flows of mucus is now literally dripping through my nostril, actually come to think about it, i'd rather have runny nose than a stuffed one just so i could breathe when am sleeping. people will never realised and appreciate how blissful they are to be able to breathe through their nose, when it is a natural mechanism.

i am foreseeing two situations will happen tomorrow:-

situation (a) stuffed nose
where i can barely pronounce my words properly when am advising my client what are the set of anticipated questions that media will ask.
" how had the 250 mbillion plan in pasir gudnang help in Malaysia's latex nnnd rubber imdustry?


situation (b) runny nose
where tissue is my hand's best friend just so i can instantly wipe off excessive amount of disgusting mucus raging through my nostrils.

either ways, am damn doom. sneeze! fuck my life.

panic! attacked

i always thought that i am a relatively calm person regardless of whatever shit happens. alright, maybe i'll be frantic for a couple of minutes, then you'll be seeing me pulling a stone face and talk in a deeper tone, trying to solve the problem. let it be incidents when i should have shit in my pants such as  - mugged by two people when i was walking alone on the streets or tailed and cornered by a road bully a family of road bullies for 20 minutes. never once, you will see me panic without knowing what's my next step.

but heck, this month i was attacked by panic not just once but twice. 

the first incident took place in early september. that day started all nice and dandy with me shopping happily alone. suddenly, some funny feelling nudged me to check for my driving license and true enough it wasn't there even if i had searched through my purse and handbag up and down, left and right, inside and out. it was that moment, the first wave of fear hit me. i took out all my cards and thousands of receipts from my purse, hoped that my license will miraculously appear. of course, it didn't. 

then the second wave of panic took its toll. i tried to walk to my car with tremble legs while the brain was frantically working on clues and cues where i'd have possibly misplaced or dropped my license - could it be in my room or did i left it at some publication houses when i did my media visits the previous day before? hastily i drove out of the shopping mall with cluttered and disturbed thoughts, thinking i'd need to take a half day leave and drive all the way down town to re-do my license, and oh crap there goes my half day where i have three thousand things to do for next week. or man, i can't take leave because i have couple of media interviews and launches to attend. oh fuck, what about my license then!

before i can focus on where i was heading to, driving super fast, i was that close, literally few inches away from bumping into a car right in front of me. without a second thought i hit the break and turned my steering to the left. my car swayed aside with great motion and all i heard was a high pitch shriek let out by my tyres. i stopped at the middle of the road with my heart racing 100 km/j, thinking i'd have easily got into an accident if there were any cars at my left lane.

slowly i pulled my car aside. that instance, an episode of anxiety clouded me - drops of cold sweat trickled down my face, my hands and foot were shaking, i nearly choked on my own breathe and my heart palpitated, coupled with a dizzy sensation. my mind just went completely blank! i took a good 15 minutes to collect myself, making mental notes that i mustn't drive more than 60km/j for the next couple of hours.

that night, i ran to two different locations to look for my license then i gave up and went to file for a police report. that night, i not only lost my license and maybe nearly my life, but also something that holds dearly in my heart. the next couple of days i found my license in my office but the thing i cherish the most is forever gone.

the second panic attack happened today. after i gave a great 5 minutes lecture to my intern, my mind went blank for 20 minutes then the same series of intense fear overwhelmed me. the matter that triggered today's attack wasn't as great as what happened last two weeks, but it stoned me for quite some time before i resume my daily grinds. 

two times of panic attack already made me feel like i had the ride of a lifetime; i probably will not survive if third time happens. 

11 days more!

11 DAYS. 11 DAYS. 11 DAYS. 11 DAYS.
CHOCOLATE SCONES, COLD ROCKS ICE CREAM, CHA SOBA, UNAGI FRIED RICE, PORK MEAT BALLS, PAN CAKES, LAMB CHOP, MASH POTATOES, GRAIN WAVES, AND CORDIAL!
11 DAYS. 11 DAYS. 11 DAYS. 11 DAYS

15 days more!

15DAYS 15DAYS 15DAYS 15DAYS.
I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE WORKING ANYMORE.
15DAYS 15DAYS 15DAYS 15DAYS.

i am thinking hard

that some day i want to go back to studies.

i am really missing the days where i can skip any classes whenever the weather is shitty, i am feeling sleepy or i am physically and mentally deranged.

i think the thing that i missed the most was the long night crappy chats, the porn sessions and the serious talks on our unweavering dreams.

i miss everything when i was in uni when i can't live like any now.

i miss my life, back then.

i miss you, this and that.

i miss you, subaru.

sometimes, it is too hard to convince myself on how i am suppose to live with or things supposed to be.

like how i am suppose to fall asleep by myself. or, how i should enjoy the quietness around me while allowing my thoughts run berserk before falling into deep slumber. or, how i can turn and toss around when i wake up given that i own the whole bed.

this is how i should be. i mean, being not so single but never available, i thought i would be contented this way.

you are no good. really not good for me.

you ruined my zen in a month time.

now i feel surreal when i am lying alone in my bed. almost like i've left part of me somewhere else, and i couldn't get them back anymore.

oh. maybe someday i could sort out a way to ease this disorientation or at least try to be peace with myself.

but not really now though.

aha, so you thought I wouldn't reply to tags huh!

Chew Lueypin, just so you thought I would not reply to tags, I will, occasionally. Actually never been.

Upshot is, I was fiddling through your old entries (Interpret: I am re-reading your old entries because there is not much new stuff on. Please update your long-abandoned blog so I'll know you are perfectly fine/in one piece/happily struggling/fill in the blanks) and found out I was tagged and labelled as one of the people who hasnt been updating regularly (Huh? You mean me?).



XXX

RULE #1 Given that I am not an obedient people, there is no rule. Please do not fuss yourself to read on the rules.

RULE #2 Crap.


1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

I will pretend I know nothing, be good with him, chop off his penis/balls when his off guard, then tie the penis/balls at a balloon to let it fly away.

I am just kidding. Exactly, there is nothing much I can do, leaving is the best option. Don't expect me to befriend with him. Things don't work out that way.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

I am greedy. I can't be contented with just one dream come true. But I do have a lifetime ambition though - to become the most sucessful tai tai (Interpret: bum, slack, high tea, excessive shopping.)


3. Whose butt would you like to kick?

No. Make love (literally), no war.


4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Bum, slack, high tea, excessive shopping, hire a male stripper then go hooooo haaaaa with Yer, Lueypin and Vien. (Sorry for not inviting you, pariah 3, i know you wouldn't be a tad interested.)

5. Will you fall in love with your bestfriend?

Possible, did happen couple of times. :D


6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

It doesn't matter. As long as I can become the most successful tai tai.


7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

I used to say I will wait for someone, but got over it after a couple of months.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

Why the questions are so emo? I would refrain myself falling in love with someone whose already attached. Exactly, what is the point of stealing people's boyfriend?

And I believe in retribution.


9. What do you pray each day for your loved one?

Which loved one? How can you possibly have one and the only loved one? What happen to my family, doggie and anonymous?


10. What takes you down the fastest?

Living a mundane life.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

A successful tai tai with billions, enjoying strip shows with Yer, Lueypin and Vien in a room specially alloted for such occasion.


12. What do you really want at the moment of responding to this tag?

I have too many desires.


13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

This question is provocative. She is my best friend since secondary two!


14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?

Crap. Married, rich and happy.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

Thinking very hard whether is it me in the mirror. Age catches up very fast, I barely recognise myself these days.


16. Would you give all in a relationship?

Depends.


17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?

Who has the most potential to make me a tai tai


18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?

Yes, I forgave and forgot. I have little recollections on the harms people inflicted on me.

19. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?

Relationship.

20. Referring to No. 19, what’s the best thing about it?

Waking up to hugs and kisses. bahahaha..


I tag:

Exhibitionists who like expressing themselves publicly.


XXX

7 days and counting down. :D

i have been m.i.a?

I've not realised i've been abandoning my blog IF lp didn't remind me of this. Alright, you can say I've been shamelessly abandoning my blog. Alright, my last entry was June 15. OK, it's been more than a month. OK, OK I get it.

I think I ought to crap write something longer to fill in the July quota, and heck it's already near end of the month.

Where have you been for the past one month?
If I am not at your place, I am at other places. Or should I be at your place? I really forgot.


What have you done for the past one month?
I sprained my ankle but still walking around with my heels.

Sometimes I scar my face when I look into the mirror early in the morning, and I've also scarred my face even I am not looking at myself.

Recently, I must have been the most disobedient employee. I could have won the award under rebellious category. I've turned rebellion at the age of 24.

I met Gillian Chung, and she looks much prettier with clothes and she is pretty.

I travelled down to Kuantan. I felt guilty looking at my parents and wasn't there for them every minute they grew older.

I've been preoccupied with online shopping. I tried to stop myself from going to the malls on weekends during Mega Sales, looking at it, staying in my room neither can save me from spending.


How are you feeling? Have you been soul searching? Are you happy?
I don't do soul searching unless someone wants me to pretend to be deep.

I am semi happy. I sulk most of the time. Ice cream can no longer keep my insanity. I take all these as THE signals. THE DAY is coming very soon. BAHAHAHAHAHAH...

At one of the day of this month, I was suddenly reminded of a scene and the word 'pathetic'.

pa.thet.ic
–adjective
1.causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable: a pathetic letter; a pathetic sight.
2.affecting or moving the feelings.

Apparently some people doesn't really understand the word pathetic while keep using without knowing what does it stands for. I feel sorry for him. Hope his all fine and wouldn't be bogged down by his karma. That would be PATHETIC.


Will you be m.i.a for another month?
I don't really know that. I would like to be an avid blogger BUT, i have the my world to save.


How long will you be in your m.i.a mode?
I don't really know, I am in m.i.a mode remember? People aren't suppose to let anyone know when they are missing in action?


Can i call you?
Of course you may, but that doesn't mean that I will pick up your call hun.


A few quick thoughts?
damn stone already la.

I'll be back

I’ve been complaining too much lately.

I couldn’t move on. Grumbling on futile situation just couldn’t bring me anywhere further than I am standing right now.

Wait ah, I will be back when I am through being morbid.

And this wouldn’t be too long.

ah! sial!

Ah sial , I've finished my last patch of salonpas!

S.O.S! 3 more needed for my stiff shoulder!Should have grab Salonpas's 3-pack promotion while i was loitering in Guardian today.

Dang, I am not only ageing prematurely, my back is also in the process of becoming a sticker book in collection of Salonpas patches.

Anyway, travelling down to Kuantan agian. Seeing doggie in 14 hours time, wheeeeee.

you

I am hwei's pen drive.

I think she's annoyed at me.

I think i am doing a good job all these while, why is she still annoyed?


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


I am yours truly, owner of the pen drive.

I think you know i hate you.

I think you know too, i have to use you because I've gave my cute blue pen drive to my dad.

Yes, you are right, for couple of times, i wished you were lost.

Yes, for most of the time, I've simply placed you anywhere, but you were miraculously found, without fail, everytime.

Kid me not if you still need the reason why I hate you. Don't you know it's not your problem?

I tried to disown you, and you are still stick with me.

I guess, no body wants you too.

You'll have to make do with me, like I do the same to you, too.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dang, i am not acting like myself agian and worst, I am talking on behalf of my pen drive? or I am talking to my pen drive?

Can I not go to work?

Can I just take one step behind, or like SueWinTheDiplomat said, to look for that god damn balance point?

Dang, why am i born stubborn? Dang.

Damn mengada.

am i at the right blog?

in case you ask yourself,

YES to!

so it took me two days to deal with this fugly font issue. i am only technologically impair not retard. the fucking celcom broadband connection keep lagging out like sial and disconnected like i didnt pay the bills.

i even went one step further to change the template. :D

such contradicting and eye-soring colours.but , they matched perfectly well together dont they?

yikes, so not my choice of colour.so not me. but this template will be here for quite sometime cuz i simply like to annoy the shit out of you.

doggie is bugging me and i cant write properly

bumming

slacking

slugging

and my stomach ache like fuck.

************************************************************

doggie is following me everywhere.

she is like a cotton candy, chocolate cotton candy.

keep aftering me, for the papaya in my hand.

woot woot

lets get in da mood, shall we?



Los Campesinos - You! Me! Dancing!



Mika - Lollipop

slap kao myself, exam already still wi wi wa wa here.

ciao.