i am 24, none the wiser

For the longest time, i thought i will be wise when i hit 24. Just like being poke by a magic wand inflated with wisdom, i would be prudent and careful enough to make every single decision. I would understand things that i cannot explain.



At the age of 17, being simple, I thought so.

Being 18, seethed with agitation, i agreed that is an ideal target.

19, boiled with ambitious ideas, I believed there is nothing i cannot achieve.

Four years is plenty for an individual to grow up, I thought so at 20.

Being anal and smart ass at 21, I have zero doubt about that idea.

At the age 22, hopelessly in love I was, being wise at 24 was not my major concern.

I screwed 23 with assignments, heartbreaks and of course, dramas.

Now, at 24, besides a few fine wrinkles appeared, i am not knowing anymore than before. I am, indeed, more confused than I was in 17.



I've learned that in the small distance between being taken and missed, lives are changed, humans are drawn together. But I wonder still, why people sabotage this purest connection for the most petty matter, primarily for their own benefits.


I know there are no random acts, a relationship ended for its own reason, but didn't both individual gave themselves away just to stay together initially? How about the sacrifices made, tears shed and the happy moments shared?


I am clear that some people are just plain selfish, they can never love. I don't have an inkling of how can they find happiness and peace in themselves.


I understand promises are easily broken and not meant to be true. I refrain from believing in promises, but deep down I hope someone can prove me wrong someday.


I've also learned that some people are not worth defending. If they are noble and capable enough, they can keep themselves safe and climb up eventually. Still, I fail to stop myself from finding excuses to help them. I don't understand why don't I do things like i understood. This is a vicious cycle.

At the age of 24, confusion is still haunting me every single minute. Some of the decisions i made, reasons remained unclear, but I have no regrets and complaints. I know, someday I will figure out the answers and the balance to it all. And that is when all the weariness ,bitterness and wounds held inside me being washed away.


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Kawan-kawan sekalian,

In conjunction with my coming birthday in just 10 days, please donate RM1 to Ying Hwei's fund to help me to buy a disco ball. My room seriously needs a funky element. Whooppp!!!!!

Happy birthday to me and Happy Valentine's Day to every of you! :D