i miss you, this and that.

i miss you, subaru.

sometimes, it is too hard to convince myself on how i am suppose to live with or things supposed to be.

like how i am suppose to fall asleep by myself. or, how i should enjoy the quietness around me while allowing my thoughts run berserk before falling into deep slumber. or, how i can turn and toss around when i wake up given that i own the whole bed.

this is how i should be. i mean, being not so single but never available, i thought i would be contented this way.

you are no good. really not good for me.

you ruined my zen in a month time.

now i feel surreal when i am lying alone in my bed. almost like i've left part of me somewhere else, and i couldn't get them back anymore.

oh. maybe someday i could sort out a way to ease this disorientation or at least try to be peace with myself.

but not really now though.