the equation doesn't seem right

i dread being alone.

yet, i've already been alone for two years.

let me whine before the year ends

my mood swings hopelessly whenever festivals arrive.

christmas, new year, birthday, valentine's day. you name it and i hate it.

though i have vigorously tried to convince myself that these festivals are just like any other ordinary days, still, deep down they annoy the shit out of me and even irritates me one week before the day comes.

if you need me to tell you the specific, exactly when did i harbour such annoyance for the spirit of celebrations, so that you can honour me as the miserable festives bummer. i would say since i am a teenager. i am a teenager with lots of angst and i despised festives. now i simply hate festive seasons because this land is crowded with hundreds of people in one square foot everywhere whenever there are celebrations.

everyone are so in the mood of celebration though the festives are not meant for them to commemorate. people party from dawn to dusk as if the world dooms after christmas and new year.

so, this year, in the last couple of days before i turn 25, i decided to sort out my angst and hatred towards festive seasons, so that i would not become a pathetic old lady whining how fuck up life could be whenever christmas/new year/valentine's day or whatever is approaching.

i thought hard.

yet sadly, i still couldn't figure out why.

guess i will end up being a pathetic old lady giving you a stone face whenever you ask me out to celebrate.

but please don't ditch me though i may be hard to entertain.

i am still good when there's no festive season around. you all know i am afraid of being alone all the time.

last year . this moment

last year, this moment,

i fell in love with a grumpy guy.

today,

i am still in love.

happy anniversary, trunky.

:D

:D

I AM SUPER DUPER GIGA TERA HAPPY ALREADY.

its Q&A time again

Q) its year-end, do you have any holiday plans in your mind? oh my god, you are going m.i.a again?
A) yes baby. yes.


Q) what plans exactly?
A) i don't know. i may pop out unexpectedly when you aren't expecting me at all. merry christmas and happy new year everyone!


Q) m.i.a for how long?
A) let me see how long i can go.


Q) let's do a wrap up for this year. are you doing great this year?
A) not that bad. earn a couple, learn a lot, lost some.


Q) can i conclude that you are quite happy this year?
A) oh boy, i am beyond heaven!


Q) tell us the most happiest incident happened this year?
A) watched series of american dad with trunky. simply blissful.


Q) do you feel blessed?
A) yes indeed. with great friends, good colleagues, super lover, incredible parents and an awesome half mother. :D


Q) tell us a particular day you jumped in joy?
A) when i got my baby viva. wtf5183.


Q) tell us a particular day you felt like banging your head to the wall?
A) when i dented my baby. i feel like crap and just wanted to bomb my office building.


Q) how you got over it?
A) i told my baby, its ok. a little scratch will make you look more brutal. i will paint you in black soon. hush baby, hush.


Q) anyone you wish to fire he/she up?
A) just a little bit. was angry and upset, but got over after a while. can't be bothered for petty matters like this.


Q) any wish list?
A) dear god, i will be extremely good next year. can you please spare me your mercy, drop me some money, a watch, a handbag, plentiful of clothes and more time with trunky, thank you. yes, i am shallow.


Q) why are you asking and answering all the questions by yourself?
A) i don't know. i think because i like to talk to myself.


Q) what is your feeling at this moment?
A) i should get nasi lemak for breakfast tomorrow.

should i or should i not

was contemplating whether i should do this or not.

i suck big time at handicraft.

what if it looks like a piece of shit.

what if its too heavy to carry back.

should i or should i not.

who is your bff?

i've been pondering after i read pariah 3's entry on bff. what's twirling in my mind is that what are the criteria to become my bff.

i think deep, and i thought hard. finally i have a perfect candidate who is so irreplaceable, that no one else in the world can understand me better than he/she does.

for he/she knows the right time to shut up when i am not in the mood.

for he/she pops out of no where and gives me whole lots of surprises. he/she knows i love surprises.

for he/she ignores me when i am talking crap.

for he/she understands there are times i need to be alone.

for he/she accepts my mistakes and flaws because he/she knows no human being in this world is perfect.

for he/she would not condemn me even if i pair my flip flops with proper attire.

for he/she showers me with admiration and love because i am an attention whore, sometimes.

not any one in the world can read me better then he/she does.

my bff is a shy and low profile person. he/she refused to post for me. i've only managed to capture part of his/her look before he/she run off.




everybody, meet bluey anonymous.




i am so sorry. i have no idea you are a male or female, but we are still best friends right?


don't judge. human beings are too superficial and judgmental that is why there's no best friend forever between us, the same species.

this year . one season . coogee beach

for once i decided not to contaminate pictures i took with my crappy comments.

coogee is just so beautiful.

too beautiful, that i can't stop myself falling in love again and again with this place.

this year . all seasons . this chapter

yeap. loving every lines of this chapter.

the rocks puppet cottage

when i was a child, i'd always think that puppets are scary. some of them look so real that i believe they may come alive at night, sneaking underneath your bed looking at you while you are asleep.

i bumped into a puppet shop one day while i was lurking in The Rocks. walking in the small basement shop which boasts over thousands of puppets is akin to breaking into a time capsule. you may see puppets aged more than 150 years old, that's even older than your grandmother.

i like the experience of strolling in the puppet land. i can tell that this place will be a party at night, when all the puppets revive.

yes, i still believe they will come alive at night.



the puppet cottage at the rocks



her porcelain skin looks so real and she looks so stuck up too



party crowd!


i don't like clowns too

hello, my name is bitch and i won't shut my mouth until you think i am right

some people are just uber funny.

i don't know about you or others, maybe it is just me. i just can't stand people whose constantly wanting to win in order to make themselves look good at any single minute, or shall i say, even every nano second if you want me to count it precisely.

like this is not bad enough, they like to put words in your mouth. as though they read your thoughts and they can phrase it better than you do. but what irk me the most is, they think you owe them big time because they did the talking for you. Generally, they talk faster than you do, judging people in the speed of light and always thought that the whole world besides themselves lives in misery.

yes. i am talking about you. funny enough, i believe there are species like you lurking everywhere to abuse anyone they meet.

so you think i sulk every day after leaving pure hell? or, i should be missing the moments when i was trying so very hard not to lose myself to punch you in the face? the most absurd remark you ever said was that i am now trying hard to keep my current job though i dislike the place so much? so your conclusion is, i could have been happy and contented if i just didn't quit?

seriously wtf, this must be the joke of the year.

the only thing i ever regretted was that i didn't sew kau your lips when i have the chance. bitch.

you make me happy

counting down again to the day we meet.

thinking of that day already bring me so much joy and happiness.

i really can't wait.

feel like smooching your face leaving tons and tons of saliva right this second.

damn salah in the heart and brain

damn salah.

its so salah right from the start.

sometimes what you said can be a jingle

i know i cannot be bothered anymore.

sometimes i am so sure that what you said didn't mean jack to me. i wouldn't give a flying kite to them. in fact, they couldn't mean any flying fucks to me.

no matter how much i was convinced that those words meant no harm to me anymore, the words that you said sprouted and grew, deeper and deeper. rubbing salts to my wounds and sores.

maybe you are right. i am trying hard. too hard indeed.

so hard that i can't go with the flow. too hard that things become awkward. i am straining myself too much that i couldn't let things go. like a kid with palm full of sweets that she couldn't pull her hand out of the jar. too greedy to let go some of the sweets.

i am too greedy that i want all. that is why i tried so hard and i ended up none.

i can't ditch it, really. i thought i had. it's already a jingle, twirling in my mind. jinxing i can never loved, nor be loved.

we can dwell on and on

i think we can do more amazing than this.

i love you.

:D

new job, me and hard rocky!

new job has been hectic, but the people i work with are pretty fun and crazy. i think that is the difference when you are working with veterans and a bunch of young people.

well, that is not the best part of the new job. the coolest is it is ooze with testosterone. not that i am desperate, it just feels so pamper to be the rare species among all man. guess you won't hear me complaining about sewing some bitches' effing mouths for the longest time.

also, i travelled in out back forth for events. the coolest was to work in Hard Rock Penang.

not only the hotel is pleasantly situated beside the beach. they have the longest swimming pool in Malaysia. beautiful murals are everywhere. the food was good. their milkshake was even more super duper. and the hotel staff are pretty helpful and friendly too.

me really likey! i feel like i want stay there for the rest of my life.

Hard Rock Penang, please hire me. i can be your pr/marcomm officer/bartender/fill in the blanks as long as i can stay there forever.

caption is lame



long long light bulbs. gotta see them at night!



don't know who they are, but i think they must be famous to be displayed in hard rocky



swimming pool is just a step from your room! damn cool right!



try to camwhore while working



nikki sixx's guitar. i have no idea who he is. wtf



chandeliers. i can so imagine my future home will be full of these



mural! beatles!



everyone is busy asking people to snap themselves in hard rocky



ladies' signage



snapping random stuff at some random angle to show that i am artistic

i miss you, this and that.

i miss you, subaru.

sometimes, it is too hard to convince myself on how i am suppose to live with or things supposed to be.

like how i am suppose to fall asleep by myself. or, how i should enjoy the quietness around me while allowing my thoughts run berserk before falling into deep slumber. or, how i can turn and toss around when i wake up given that i own the whole bed.

this is how i should be. i mean, being not so single but never available, i thought i would be contented this way.

you are no good. really not good for me.

you ruined my zen in a month time.

now i feel surreal when i am lying alone in my bed. almost like i've left part of me somewhere else, and i couldn't get them back anymore.

oh. maybe someday i could sort out a way to ease this disorientation or at least try to be peace with myself.

but not really now though.

lands and seas

apart by lands and seas.

sending loves and lusts across 6612km.

till the next time we meet, you are definitely worth waiting for.

absolutely.

oh, cold rock and chocolate banana scone.

when u grow up

you need to pay your bills.

bills. bills. bills.

BILLS and MORE BILLS.

effing bills.

i sulk

i sulk. i sulk. i sulk. i sulk. i sulk.

i sulk.

are you feeling horny?

take this!

warning:

untasteful scene may occur. please prepare a dustbin and place it beside you if you just had your food.
please turn off the volume if you are in the office.
if this clip brings you any unpleasant or terrifying memories, please do not stop yourself from consuming food with lard.

the constant constipated look on my face shows that i don't want to go back that fast

ditto.

to the zoo!!

the trip to taronga zoo was great fun.

the animals are not that active but cute, and also curious. i think they must have enjoyed watching us, human being, as we go hoo haa at every single adorable stunts they performed. now i know i am not the only jakun in the earth, there are others lurking everywhere.

anyway, i didn't get the chance to hug nor pat a koala. i can only watch them their grey asses from afar.


amalgram of excitments - a forever snoozing koala, giraffe, a pile of leaves a frill-necked lizard and more of course.



looking at me looking at it.



very innocent attention graber. look at the eyes.. aw..



yer, your doi doi! i can be sure that this kangaroo must be an asian judging by the slit eyes.



ass photo!



more sexy ass!



and my ass face.

i guess all the people misses me will say...

damn, you are really good at procrastinating. where are the photos you promised?

yes. i am and i don't earn the title of mother of all procrastinators for nothing. if i were given a dollar for each task i defered, i would probably be a millionnaire by now.

anyhow, here are some of the photos of my journey. shall upload the rest not too soon yet won't be keeping you too long. :D

this is the neighbourhood i am staying. yeap, nice street art right. i know.



it's spring already! purple flowers i don't know what name is in blossom.



not where i am staying. but look at the puny mandarin oranges, this feels like chinese new year!



women's community health centre in my neighbourhood. how good, young women in this area are so physically and emotionally protected and well taken care of. the mural depicted what young women love, what makes them happy and sad and people they would like to thank of.



this tree reminds me of chinese new year (again???!!!??). i must be in the mood of festive celebration already.



dandelion! oh! i am such a jakun.



my new found friend posed for a photograph. everyone, meet cat anonymous!




Queen Victoria Building (QVB). here are some fine details of this shopping mall.



the interior of QVB. real fine architecture design. it's amazing how a shopping mall can look like, compare to the shopping malls in KL.



falling in love with the stained-glasess at each shop.




sydney fish market, actually, just part of it. the market is way larger incorporating numerous fresh seafood retail stores, sushi bars, beverage outlets, indoor seating and an outdoor promenade. you can get the freshest salmon here, me likey!



this is the outdoor promenade i meant. you can eat and share your space with aggresive seagulls aiming at your seafood every single second.also, watching them fighting over crumbs of seafood (feeding prohibited) drop on the floor could be an interesting affair.




circular quay! i have to take photos of coconut tree-like plant because i am from malaysia. wtf? ok i am just a jakun.



sydney opera house and the promenade. look at the sky, clouds le.



siting at the staircases of sydney opera house enjoying looking at hyperactive tourists from china the dusk.



sydney cityscape and me, in case you miss my face already.

mind effer haunts me far from malaysia!

so i thought when i quit my job, i will stop pinky from effing my sight and my mind left, right, up and down.

boy, i was so wrong. pinky now haunts me every single moment when she's able to get hold of me. she texts me. she pops me messages in msn whenever i am online, oh, she drops me messages even i am offline.

i am now honouring you the ultimate mind effer, judging by the way you haunt me, penetrating every opportunities you have to eff my mind.

but, really, you forgot something - i am not obligated to answer your questions and listen to your rantings because i am no longer working with you anymore. so just shut up, stop acting like a drama queen and do what you suppose to do, duh.

hiatus

in case you are wondering, i am still very much alive, thank you everyone.

i wouldn't go M.I.A for very a long time, till, i stop acting like a jakun in this city. so, if anyone bump into one funny looking girl, staring at you in a weird way and snapping images of insignificance (for example, flowers, leaves, trees, cats, birds, lamp posts, rubbish and dustbins), yep, that's me. please forgive me, i am having a tad culture syok shock.

ok. till my next entry. i miss everyone of you in Malaysia.

road to recovery

some days back in couple of years, i'd been stabbed by my own folly.

it was quite funny how i shrugged off clues which could save me from being wrecked.

i snorted at common idea on how i would end up, believing hard that i will be the exception.

next, what happened left me stood in awe for quite awhile.

i guess what really made me appalled was i couldn't gave up on what i'd never doubt of.

to be honest, i couldnt believe i'd been overturn by my beliefs.

but really, there is no absolute promise that one will get what he/she wants even he/she pray so hard for things to pull through.

some day today, i wonder why it took such a long journey for me to understand.

i never regretted on what i have done,

i just wish it wouldnt take me so long to finally realise this.

xxx

I couldn't say enough wonderful things about beautiful souls who never give up on me.

yer,

thanks for doing the most thoughtful things whenever i need you.

some conundrums are yet to be solved, but i will come safely through with you being around.

despite all, you are still my greatest peeves.

lueypin,

i remember how we consoled each other at Taman Paramount LRT station.

sorry for being such an asshole for always remembering you when i am low in fuel.

ainee,

thanks for checking out on me constantly.

i enjoy scolding you, one way to make me realise i am as anal as you.

aiwei,

getting scoldings from you were rare occasions,

and i enjoyed all of them.

vien,

thanks for sticking up for my shits.

its hard to forget the moments we laughed our ass off talking about my shits.

others i didn't mention, i didn't forget.

Thank you for going high and low just to make me happy.

xxx